But the longing to see and feel her is growing. In all this mixture of states of consciousness, pressure is felt much, but because of her Grace, Peace is there. No one can notice it, but in my inner state I know the friction that I am going through. Dada, you can understand the inner me. Please guide.
I aspire for a state of consciousness where I need not forcefully remember her; rather, it should be a natural state of consciousness that I am in her and she is all around.
It happens to everyone because of the dichotomy that exists between our inner being and the active outer nature. Work pulls us outwards as the senses get engaged in the process. Hence, one loses the inner remembrance. The solution is given in the Gita. The first step is to practice inner detachment, equality and a witness state, Sakshi bhav. This prevents us from being pulled excessively outwards. The buddhi is then fixed repeatedly in the Divine by turning it upwards and inwards. The question is how then to engage in work? The solution is nishkama karma, to turn work itself into a worship of the Divine in matter. Remember and Offer at the beginning and end of every activity and, as an inner witness, try to remember inwardly while working. Slowly, the Remembrance will begin to change into a state where one feels the Divine Presence within us.
Vision of the Divine Mother is something which should be left entirely to Her, as indeed all things should be. Impatience, even in aspiration delays the process. It is better to first prepare the ground for Her coming by growing in Peace, equanimity, getting rid of desires, anger, etc. Ours is the joy of aspiration. The fulfilment must be surrendered at Her Feet entirely.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
