Till now, I have felt like a child in many ways, and now there is a deep aspiration in me to become an adult to take responsibility for my own life and live my truth.
My work is important to me, but somehow it never gets the priority it needs. I see all work as Yoga and want to do everything sincerely and perfectly, but because of that, I often end up trying to do everything and not having enough time or energy for my own work. Leaving something imperfect makes me very uncomfortable. I’m struggling to understand how to hold all of this. How do I stand up for my work when there is still such a strong expectation that a woman should take care of the home, food, family, and everyone around her?
I’m also becoming a mother now, and I can already see how easily the desire to do everything perfectly can become endless. How do I create healthy boundaries without feeling guilty? How do I distinguish between responsibility and over-responsibility? And how do I honour my work and individuality while also being present for my family?
I would really value your perspective on this.
First things first. The first necessity of any and every human being is to arrive at his maximum possibility, to realise his or her highest ideal and conception. All the rest comes later. This is especially so for this Age where the old bases and old forms, including the standard social formats, are being broken so that new and higher and greater possibilities can emerge. Individuals always spearhead the Society and those in whom the urge to progress has become conscious must respect this growing urge within them. The role of Society is primarily to curb the animal and the brute in us. But sometimes it oversteps its limits and tries to curb the evolving godlike nature in us. As long as the aim of the individual is to develop and actualise or realise its highest potential, there should be no problem. If anything, the people around should support it. It is only and only when the individualistic tendency is towards degeneration that Society should step in and support the person from coming out of this jump into the abyss.
Now, as this urge grows, what happens to the people and the world around with which we are interconnected, be it family or the milieu in general? The watchword is balance. Surely it is not always easy to maintain the balance still; it can be done if we have prioritised the different roles and responsibilities to which we are called upon. For example, bringing up the child, looking after family, etc should all be done in the spirit of karmayoga. It means that one should do one’s best but leave the rest to the Divine. One may or may not be understood, may be even criticised. Our decisions should not be based on what is true and right and best, keeping in mind one’s highest aspiration. The likes and dislikes of people should not be our criteria. The sum and substance is that our choices should not be made to satisfy ourselves or others. We should not live to make ourselves happy nor to make others happy. We should act based on what we feel is true and good and beautiful. All the rest is only endless complication.
Affectionately
Alok Da
