Between preparing for MBA exams out of pressure, struggling to build a career in writing, and feeling judged rather than understood, I am consumed by self-doubt and mental exhaustion. In this darkness, I feel utterly disconnected from the Mother, constantly longing for reassurance that She has not abandoned me in my failure. Given your past kindness to our family, how can I find inner clarity, overcome this paralyzing fear of the future, and reconnect with Her grace?
There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. It is just that you are ahead of the general pace of life. All you need is a clear goal. As I see it, you won’t be truly happy or in sync with the usual goals that everybody undertakes. The usual life of settling down is not really meant for you. I feel you are an explorer, a seeker who knows not yet what exactly are you seeking and truly looking for.ย
I would advice that you take a little break, perhaps come down to Pondicherry, stay alone and spend your time in reflection. If you so decide then I can speak to you and perhaps be able to suggest more.
In a general sense however, the main difficulty is that most of us are looking for ‘settling down’ even before we are sure of what we truly want. Our goals are determined by all the various collective forces that impact our life from every side leaving no room for listening to the still small voice within us. And then once ‘settled’ in a job and marriage, life expands endlessly and horizontally. It is like a web that entangles us and the soul is trapped in its coils. The mind then remains preoccupied with means of sustenance and the work at hand, the vital is happy with the toys it gets through the work; the body with its comforts, while the soul simply suffers the prison or sleeps drugged by the state of ignorance. Of course the Grace comes, sometimes knocking us out of the sleep but that only launches a bitter struggle between what one has got habituated to, the comfort zones and what one truly aspires and is meant for. This is a nearly universal struggle in most human beings and while the usual solution suggested is to find one’s comfort zones quickly, which only postpones the inevitable, the real solution is to progress, to discover, to go deeper within oneself.ย
Affectionately,ย
Alok Da
