It is definitely the play of the mind making you feel like this. The only truth, if at all, could be that turning towards Sri Aurobindo and the Mother through some ego in the seeking puts a tremendous pressure of transformation and the corresponding rise of resistance. Eliminate the egoism and vanity in the seeking, the feeling of being special or of wanting experiences, impatience etc which opens the door to the attacks. Instead establish peace, calm, equanimity first, learn to surrender and wait with patience and all will be well.
Affectionately,
Alok Da