Now, I’m feeling a mix of emotions anxiety, anger, betrayal, grief, confusion, and deep emotional pain. I often find it hard to calm down. I also experience physical symptoms like cold hands and feet, a racing heartbeat, and difficulty sleeping, especially when thoughts about the situation come up.
It is natural to experience what you are going through following the sudden collapse of a beautiful dream which you took to be true. It is obvious that the love from the other person was not deep and strong enough else he would have withstood all the outer pressures. In this sense it is better that it happened before you tied the marital knot as discovering the excessive attachment to family and preferring society over the deep bond of love would have caused chronic pain later.
Nevertheless, now that it has happened one has to accept the inevitable and move on. But first you will need to confront your emotional pain, see the loss for what it is worth, release the storm by speaking your heart to him and by offering it to God. If you have friends share it with them. It is also important to keep yourself busy and engage in some vigorous physical workout.
It is also a painful learning experience about human nature. But even while you learn make sure that you don’t become cynic by generalising one experience or engage in self pity and self blame.
Life is a journey where there are no two alikes. Each journey is unique with its own set of experiences, pleasant and painful. These come to all as part of the learning curve through which we move. Each experience marks a stage or a step in our journey. They are not the goal. Marriage, with a particular person whom one loves, can give us some happiness, but it cannot be the goal. So take this moment of crisis to sit down quietly and reflect upon where you want to go, what you want to do and be, what are you seeking, the purpose of your life, your aim and goal. Until we find it we end up only changing situations but end up with similar pain. Use this as an experience to learn about life, about yourself and your goal. This is what I would finally suggest as you navigate through it all. But never forget that the Divine is with you, even when unseen or unfelt. Learn to have faith in the Grace that surely has planned something better for you. Trust and go forward rather than staying in the past for long.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
