I only use a little bit normally – which isn’t much of an experience but helps with some energetic aspects. But last night I took twice as much because somehow I was fooled into thinking that this batch isn’t very strong and there was no effect – because of slow metabolism and then it hit me after 5 hours, when I was sleeping at 2:30 am.
There was a great shattering of the physical veil. My being was exposed to the vital forces – there was a lot of disturbance in the body – there was intense heat and intense cold at the same time – the nerves were greatly affected – there was a great strength and, at the same time, a shivering in the nerves – then there was a great fear – that just showed me that I must flush away all the oil and cannabis flower. This fear was because of the breaking of the body at a subtle physical level – it was like a tearing apart of my inner being.
At the same time, there was an intense drying effect – my whole body was dry – so dry that I almost felt like dying. And there was a very high inflammation – it felt like something was going to burst – there was a huge amount of energy and massive thought formations (negative – fear-based).
I took some Ramdev’s Medhavati with warm water to calm the nerves – which helped- and sat next to a heater and prayed to the Mother, and there was one moment that everything healed – in 1 minute – and it felt like a tunnel of peace coming from above and through the brain – but I was distracted again and it became painful.
Eventually after an hour things got better but my body by that time was all stressed up and messed around and …. now my questions…
So the doubt and fear that came was: is that how going through death would be? Not just the physical pain but the bombardment of all the vital fears and desires and mental doubts and negative ideas… these were not normal ideas; they carried weight – each idea would hit like a storm…
At night I went to sleep telling myself that all that I thought I knew is worth nothing and I remembered that we must open ONLY to the Mother’s influence and force and not these lower-level vital formations and mental ideas…
And we must not rely on the physical methods to break through – because we’re not ready – it is by poisoning that the veil gets rendered when we use cannabis.
But the doubt is that… how is this little poisoning able to wreck the system – where is the spiritual strength of my soul – what the hell is going on – is there any hope … where is the Divine? is this the trauma of death?
Cannabis and other similar drugs can at times put us in contact with immense forces of the lower vital world by knocking off the rational and sensory barriers. Ordinarily, our consciousness is shielded against invasion by the universal play, which can be extremely unsettling and dangerous. You were, in a sense, lucky to have an extremely negative experience which will likely prevent you from going in that direction again. What is worse is when people have seemingly positive experiences such as a feeling of great power and vicarious joy or even fabricated otherworldly visions that hooks us to the drug.
A true spiritual seeker generally doesn’t get upset by much more intense experiences since they come in a graded way through proper preparation. That is why there is a great stress on preliminary purification, shuddhi, yama niyama, etc., a rigorous process of self-purification. These artificial mechanical methods however, open the floodgates in an unprepared consciousness. That is the problem and it is this lack of preparatory purification which makes the difference.
The Divine is of course there, very much there, behind this and behind everything. But He has given us the relative freedom of choice and this learning through experiences and consequences is part of the process to facilitate our conscious evolution.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
