AT THE FEET OF THE MOTHER
Ask Alok da

Da, I don’t want to get married, but my single mother wants me to get married and have children, and the usual things. But I don’t want to get attached to these things. I fear that if I get married, I will have the worst marriage, and almost whenever the topic of marriage comes up, I almost imagine doing the worst things and pray for the worst to happen, and I don’t get involved in marriage. So help me, how to be? 😥

Whether good or bad, married life requires a very different kind of orientation. Initially, especially with children, it can and usually does come in the way of one’s spiritual aspiration since it locks in a lot of time and energy in family life and its necessities. But if one goes through it with the right attitude, it can be one kind of preparation, though often with a heavy price, for the spiritual life. If the partner is in sympathy with one’s aspiration and supports the other person’s journey, then it can turn out to be a good payoff for the initial difficulty. 

As to what the marriage may turn out to be, well, that unpredictability is part of human existence, whether one is married or single. One has to walk with the staff of faith and have the courage to meet the challenges of life as and when they come.

Now each one has to decide for themselves. But in case one doesn’t want to get married and seriously aspires for the spiritual life, then generally it is better to live in a spiritual commune with aspirants to a common goal. I think one of the concerns of your mother would be this. You can talk to her and discuss this option. Not that one cannot live single and alone, but given the complexities and isolation in present-day life, it gets a little difficult after a certain age. Look at these aspects and then take a calm, collected decision. 

Affectionately,

Alok Da

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