In response, I have decided to protect her by not bringing her around them until they can reciprocate her love. While I was recently reading Sri Aurobindo’s Essays on the Gita about maintaining equanimity, this painful situation has completely thrown me off-kilter. I am now ardently praying to the Mother for the strength to disengage, find my balance, and adopt the exact attitude She wants me to take.
I can completely understand your feelings. You can look at it in two ways. One way is to see it with the natural protective instinct of a mother. Here, one reacts to every little unhappiness that the child experiences with the urge to shield and protect. This strategy is not good in the long term, as it makes the mind of the child weak and somewhat self-centered. Most importantly, it doesn’t equip the child to deal with real life. The other way is to teach the child how to deal with unpleasant situations rather than trying to change others or wanting others to accommodate one’s needs, even if they are valid. Withdrawing from meeting with your sister because of this event will further set a wrong example, as one cannot withdraw from people just because they do not act according to our wishes.
It is best, in my view, to discuss these things with her and teach and equip her how to face these situations with a smile and understanding, a benevolence rather than reactionary sadness or bitterness, which hurts us more than the other person. It is much better to teach resilience, benevolence, endurance and inner strength rather than be unhappy and react when things don’t go our way.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
