I seek advice on how to educate my intuition (which tells me that certain social interactions form part of my nature and should not be avoided), or how to better integrate these interactions into the Yoga, or how to better determine whether or not I am using yogic reasoning in order to sustain subliminal desires/ego-driven forces.
Specifically, I often have the feeling of love quite often when I am in community (i.e., when I interact with neighbors or people that live in town on the street, mentor youth, go to the store, in the park, on the field, watching a football game, etc.). In sociology, these are considered loose ties (not family, not necessarily deep friendships, absent of attachment, or material/transactional elements). I have tried to explore the origins of this feeling inwardly and to discern to what extent they are driven by lower vital and other ego-driven forces.
Problems of these interactions: they strain equanimity, they reduce concentration and time for reading/meditation ot other yoga conducive activities like gardening, housework or exercise, they open me up to desire/ego-driven forces (i.e. town gossip, or indirect self aggrandizing/vanity, lower-vital urges), they expose me to collective ego forces (based on affinity with my neighborhood, football team, political ideology, or town), they make me stay-up later (which means i get up at 5:30-6, whereas I would like to get up at 4 for reading and meditation)
But there are moments when I feel an unmistakable spiritual energy in these interactions, when they help me see the divine in all people, even those who I “used to not like”, when I feel a divine sarcasm/humor, when I feel higher-level forces that are not subordinated to vital ego, communal ego, or dharmas.
Since consciously developing the aspiration (about 8months back), I believe I have made good progress in reducing the lower vital associations of these interactions (i.e., sexual undercurrents, material/hierarchical/subjective dharma elements, association with alcohol). For example, I may have one or two beers in certain contexts on a weekend, but I have become conscious of offering any lower vital excitements to the mother, which has made me reduce alcohol consumption and avoid its lower vital associations)
It is very clear from your story that you are being prepared and gently guided towards the true aim of your life. All that has happened, all that you have been so far, has been a preparation for the real purpose. A wide, expansive nature with a strong vitality is beautifully suited for the Divine Work. Already, one can see the hints in your natural urge to teach, educate, help out, connect with different types of nature. All that is needed now is to put these assets granted as a gift by the Divine and Nature towards a high and noble aim that is independent of the usual satisfactions of the ego and ambitions of life. Destiny has already shown you that. Now is the time to go past, to leap towards the future by turning this wealth of knowledge and vital energy for higher purposes.
It is not unusual for strong vital natures to gather certain elements that are harmful. But these are not the real or serious issues. But the real thing that is needed now is clarity about the direction where all this energy should be turned now. Spend time contemplating upon it. The Guidance has already reached you through the titles of the books that have come to you. It is itself a concrete sign. All that is needed is to channelise the vital in a direction that your own nature, destiny and God is pointing towards.
Affectionately,
Alok da
