AT THE FEET OF THE MOTHER
Ask Alok da

I am struggling to choose the right life partner. There are two men in my life. One of them I have known for a long time, and I see that he is naturally drawn to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, guided by his own aspiration, and he walks this path from within. 👰🏼🔥[…]

On the other hand, there is another man who does not share this connection but is willing to follow it for my sake. While he is not personally inclined towards this path, he assures me that he will support me, never stand in my way, and accompany me whenever I wish. He wants to be with me and is willing to do anything/everything.

I have feelings for both, but my heart longs for a life where everything revolves around the Mother, where spirituality is not just an adjustment but the very foundation of our journey together. I want my partner to share this path with me wholeheartedly. I am finding it difficult to choose. I am confused. 

Isn’t the choice obvious? The first person will join you in the psychic core, the second in the vital. These promises of changing do not last, as one cannot coerce one’s nature to follow something that does not come naturally. Such promises are generally made in the rush of vital love but do not last in the long run. Yet it may give you some vital happiness. The first one, however, will strengthen and support your spiritual journey. 

Affectionately,

Alok Da

(follow-up question:)

1. How do I convey this to him in a way that minimizes the emotional impact? I fear he will become deeply saddened and might withdraw from everything.

One has to accept this possible fallout. But in the long run, it will be good for both. A healthy friendship with certain lines drawn may be tried as an alternative, with a gradual reduction and minimization of the contact.

2. Additionally, I find myself struggling with feelings of jealousy at the thought of him moving on and finding someone else.

Jealousy has to be got rid of in any case. It is a very dark and distorted form of love; in fact, its presence indicates that it is not love but some kind of attraction with a will to possess. The sooner one gets rid of Jealousy and possessiveness, the better it is. One can get rid of it by reminding oneself that all belongs to the Divine, and this idea that ‘he or she is mine alone’ is therefore a falsehood. It is the Divine who brings certain people into our lives with a certain purpose. We should try to find and serve that purpose rather than take people as objects meant to give us pleasure or happiness. Of course, love gives happiness, but it should not be the goal of a relationship. The goal should be growing together and supporting each other through a common ideal. 

Affectionately,

Alok Da

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