The need to change and the present ground reality of how I am, together can be overwhelming and disorienting. Even after broadly having faith and wanting to give myself, noticing the countless faults and dark sides of almost everything I do leads to all sorts of unhelpful, discouraging, restless and self-centered approaches in different parts of me, including trying to control and fix things by thinking, or getting impatient for help, or worse – following a train of thought that suggests emotional relief or a mental solution but ends up taking my mind and attention away from the work at hand, and also the opportunity to share with, pray to and depend upon the Mother.
I feel that the only thing worth doing is to look inside and take a positive and heartfelt step at each moment with faith, sincerity and adoration, unconditionally without hesitation and without personal concerns as offering to Her (and to Krishna), to worry about nothing else and be joyful and peaceful because They are present. I have an idea which would allow me to do that by simplifying and clarifying what I need to do within. I could just focus on one or a handful of small, simple but important qualities/attitudes to work on which I can understand, grasp and practice, and that would make up almost all that I work on inside, and then feel free to ignore other ideas and feelings, and function in a simple way. This would be a clear and doable task to try and do without fail. It would also allow me to express love by doing that work, and that would be encouraging.
The sadhana procedes differently in different sadhaks. The Divine takes into account our uniqueness, our present personality, past evolution and future possibility. The main thing right now is to work upon the attitude, to shift the focus from oneself to the Divine Mother. Even worrying too much about the sadhana or analysing about one’s nature etc is a kind of focus on oneself. One should grow conscious of the inner motives and keep growing in aspiration and surrender.
The first practice should be to establish peace and equanimity. Rest will come in time. Stay happy and cheerful full of trust in the Mother, remember Her and open yourself to Her more and more.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
