The idea of sex as being related to the Beloved is a misrepresentation of the idea of physical union as the ultimate expression of love. It is a distortion of love that we carry from the past as an extension of our animal past. The union that one seeks and can get with the Divine Beloved is first, a union of the Soul with the Divine, Sayujya, which traditional yoga promises as the highest possibility and second, union of one’s nature with the Divine Supernature, Sadharmyagati. Physical sex has nothing to do with it. Rather, it comes in the way because the energy of life and the body gets diverted towards a human vessel.
What can be done is to invoke the Divine Presence even during the act and to see the Divine in one’s partner, since He is in everyone. In that case, one gives oneself not to the human person but to the Divine in that person?
Having said that, one must say that it is no doubt not easy, as the mind can easily trick us and lead to downfall. What is simpler and easier is a progressive sanyama followed by a complete mastery of the sexual movement.
Did I think wrong by feeling like this??
Your question is genuine and valid. Nothing wrong in asking or feeling this way.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
