I often feel pressured to get married, buy a house, a car, and follow all the typical expectations society sets. Even though deep down I’m not someone who genuinely wants marriage, I still get influenced when I see others tying the knot, having children, and making good money. It sometimes makes me question my own choices 😥and the direction of my life. They seem to be living happy, fulfilling lives and that sometimes leaves me wondering if I’m missing out.

First thing needed is be clear about the goal of one’s life. Whether marraige can give happiness or not is a later consideration. First thing one should be sure of whether one is seeking happiness as a goal. If so then one can take the issue of marraige and children. Surely happiness multiplies if shared and suffering reduces if there is someone who can understand and share it. But such a thing is not common, especially in today’s time when there is lot of stress on individuality. Life has become fast paced and the present civilisation is built around instant gratification. Hence the spirit of sacrifice and patience run low while work related stress is high. Under these conditions marraige becomes a challenging thing due to the demands and pressures of the family and at home which compounds the pressure at work. The happiness that one gets in marraige therefore comes with a heavy price especially in India because it is not just two people but two families that get married. For the girl who has to change her home and meet the fair and unfair expectations of the husband’s parents it becomes a very challenging task. Besides corporate culture and even otherwise work has become increasingly demanding and hence balancing between all these demands from different quarters one tends to lose out on one’s true inner needs and the deeper purpose of life. That is why if one has placed spiritual evolution and growth or even a larger greater ideal for oneself then marraige is best postponed until one comes across someone who shares one’s deepest aspiration and higher ideals. Otherwise the happiness remains short term and after the rush and high of a partner is over, what generally follows is adjustments and accommodations, the stifling of one’s growth along the unique lines of one’s nature and an eventual compromise where one sells the deeper self for few tinsels of transient happiness. Anyways all happiness at our present human level and through external means is transient and temporary. 

But if one is satisfied with the usual surface life and is seeking nothing more than some pleasure and fun, and wants to plan out and secure one’s old age with a partner and children then perhaps one can think about marriage. It all depends therefore on what one is seeking.

Affectionately,

Alok Da