I am not sure what you mean by seeking spirituality. Spiritual life is not about some practices of meditation etc or about intellectual philosophy. It is a change of attitude, a change of motive and orientation, a change of consciousness and as a result a change of life itself. Spiritual life and fear do not go together. If you want to take the spiritual recourse then the way forward is to pray, offer your difficulties within and outside, give your demands and wants to the Divine and then trust that the Divine will take care of everything and that, He will send the person meant for you when it is needed. So you need to take a clear decision first. If you want the spiritual life then one lives by faith while focusing mainly on the spiritual goal. Wants and desires have to be then subordinated to a vanishing point. And if one wants the way of normal life, its usual pleasures and satisfactions, then the way forward is to present yourself to the world, make yourself noticeable, putting forward your best so that those in affinity may get drawn. It is an art of projecting oneself in a certain way and requires a certain tact and mastery over oneself. I don’t say it is a good thing to do, especially from the spiritual point of view. Posturing is a form of falsehood and trying to attract is equally a science of deception. But that is what much of the world is about.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
