AT THE FEET OF THE MOTHER
Ask Alok da

My father’s elder brother’s daughter’s son falls in love with a girl and married her. Since the girl belonged to a different caste, I adopted her according to Brahmin traditions and performed the Kanyadana (ritual giving away of the bride) to my sister’s son. 🤝🌼[…]

The bride and groom bear all the wedding expenses. No one from the girl’s side has come for the wedding. I adopted a girl for the purpose of her marriage and performed the Kanyadana (ritual of giving away the bride); I am now unsure whether I should accept her as my daughter or limit the relationship strictly to the marriage itself?

What you have done is a sweet gesture out of the necessities of the traditional marriage. It is a kind of apad dharma, which is not binding after the necessity has passed away. Of course, if there is an emotional bond, then that is a different matter. But as such, it is not binding for you to remain as a father adopting her for the rest of your life. As such, adoption might invite legal challenges and simply taking her into your family as a father might invite unnecessary social complications. A goodwill gesture is best not turned into a lifelong commitment.

Affectionately, 

Alok Da 

Share this…

Related Posts

I remember once reading in Sri Aurobindo’s commentary on the Isha Upanishad that one cannot become a Brahmin without first becoming a Kshatriya. I believe that I never had the Kshatriya element developed sufficiently within me, and it has always been a source of embarrassment and insecurity for me as a man. 💪🙏🏻🪷[…]

He said both are needed. But these are things ingrained within us. Brahmin and Kshatriya are not  soul states, inner innate temperaments and not so much of outer actions. Nevertheless everything can be developed by practice. By taking the challenges of life, through vigorous physical exercises, by praying for strength, by reading …

Read More >

Bhaiya, Rishi Panchami fast is coming up, and I read the story behind it. Honestly, I found it quite absurd. The story talks about a woman unknowingly breaking certain rules during menstruation, cooking food that her husband eats, and then both of them facing severe karmic consequences in their next life. 🪷🙏🏻 […]

Yes, all these things have been added much later and have no authority in the main  Scriptures. It is a story added in some of the Puranas, mainly I suppose to enforce rules of hygiene for women during the menstrual period. This was one of the ways to instil certain hygiene practices through fear. It has no meaning now. Most of the fasts …

Read More >

How should we understand deities like Subrahmanyeshwara (Skanda/Murugan) and Vinayaka (Ganesha)? Are they individual divine beings, cosmic powers of the One Divine, or symbols of different aspects of consciousness? How should an aspirant in Sri Aurobindo’s Yoga relate to them in practice? 🙏🏻✨

The four original gods, Brahma, Vishnu, Mahesh and, behind them all Krishna, are, in their origin, the four aspects of the One Divine, named in Indian spiritual thought as Sacchidananda. Sat (सत) is infinite existence from which Brahma ji emerges. Chit is Chit-tapas, Consciousness and Force from which Hari or Vishnu ji and Hara or Shiv ji …

Read More >