Another aspect of Western society and falling culture. Too much physical pleasure and attraction. Also, wanting to be truly loved is not overexpectation and overanalysis, right? Sri Krishna also had Radha. Epitome of love. If I want that, am I wrong? I feel I am capable of Love. Always have been. Soft. Pure.
Just society and its ways hardened me slightly, but in essence, at the heart of it, I was Love. I don’t want a relationship for the sake of it unless it is that pure, deep Love. And no, I don’t think/feel I’m so blind that if it appeared in front of me I wouldn’t recognise it – been waiting for it.
Well, people are of all kinds everywhere, and you are right about the strong influence of the western society. However, dealing with so many people with different problems, I don’t have a low opinion of divorcees, in fact, of anyone. People have genuine difficulty in relationships. They feel trapped and caught. Earlier, they adjusted and suffered. Now they have chosen to separate. That is why live-in has become more common to avoid hypocrisy and legal problems, especially for women. Also, a greater wideness and plasticity are needed now due to the peaking of evolutionary urge and hence the need for freedom and more personal space. All societies are right now in an experimental mode as the old values (good and bad) are broken and new ones are not yet in place. Hence, the confusion as is inevitable in times of transition. Plasticity is therefore the need of the hour and rigid ideas do not work.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with seeking perfect and ideal love. My whole point is that most of us presume that we are ideal and now destiny should send someone ideal in my life. Or we feel I don’t need to change, but somehow the right person needs to come into my life, or I should be able to attract the right person. The problem is that those who are attracted for outer reasons usually get disappointed fast, or the love does not last. And to know the inner being of a person takes a lot of time, in fact, close association. Earlier societies did not permit this closeness, hence it was a completely blind thing. But people accepted it all as destiny. There was not much of a seeking for an ideal partner, soulmate, etc.
Of course, there is something called as love at first sight, which is not about physical or any other attraction but a surge of deep feelings from the depths of the heart. But here again it need not be forever.
Given these inherent difficulties of human relationship it is best not to overanalyse but to see if one feels happy and comfortable with a person. That is a simple, good sign. If so, then it can be a good starting point. To be ready to accept the person with all that he or she is itself comes through love. And then one lets the destiny unfold since the twists and turns of Fate are not in human hands. If things work out well, then it is wonderful. If they don’t, generally for temperamental differences, lack of common interests and affinities, anger and querulous nature or infidelity, then I see nothing wrong in separating from a relationship that has turned bitter and painful. This keeps the whole thing simple and practical without losing sight of the ideal. And yes, it needs great effort to realise the ideal even within oneself. To be an ideal husband, wife, or to embody ideal and perfect love are not as easy as most of us may think it to be. It needs a great degree of inner psychological development to say the least, which most are not yet ready for.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
