being dramatic but also I just can’t stop my desire to at least hang out with her once. I would say I also worry that I will embarrass myself around her or not be good enough for her to like me. I wish I was not this way because then maybe she would not even like me as a friend and that would be the end of that, when for some reason I am sure we could get along, have a lot in common, and have a good time together. She is same cultural background, speaks the same language as me, this much I know. We have mutual friends but they are not really my friends, I just know them from college, they are more so her friends whom I honestly dislike. Anyways, I have never actually hungout with her, I think I mentioned that earlier. How can I not embarrass myself or get ahead of myself when/if we hangout? I think people my age have the tendency to say things and not follow through, so I don’t know if it will really even happen. But in the case that she does keep her word and we do get to hangout, how can I treat it like just a friend with another friend and be patient and have no expectations? I pray to Mother and Sri Aurobindo everyday and they have truly changed so much in me and I am grateful they are always there for me, but there is a lot in me that still needs to be changed but it is a slow process and I just don’t want to keep embarrassing myself or disappointing myself. How can I work harder to fix this?
I think it is important to separate the chaff from the wheat. There is nothing wrong in hanging out or being friends even bestest of friends. Of course it has to be if both feel the affinity and bond of friendship. Naturally neither love nor friendship can be one-sided. Besides these things have to develop over a period of time if one is patient enough. The same is true of living together though more often than not it acts like a spoilsport since one begins to notice the real and unreal defects of the other person. But in principle there is nothing wrong in two friends of the same gender living together if both are comfortable about it. However i don’t see where does marraige enter into it. Marraige is a social institution meant for giving legitimacy to the child. But there is no such possibility of having a child when two people of the same gender live together or even indulge in physical intimacy. So what purpose if any would marraige serve? It is a non-issue, isn’t it?
Affectionately,
Alok Da
