So I had to get into a good college, which also doesn’t take up a lot of money. So it was a pressure on me. Plus, society has over-commented on it and hyped it, and my parents think that it is everything. Although that is what they show me(they are serious about how I react to things because they think I am not credible enough), I don’t really know what it actually is.
Still, I think they just want to make me understand that it is important and they think I’m not taking it seriously. Still, it just gives me an anxiety when I think that my preparation is not up to the mark; what I do all the time is *think about the easy way out*. So when my preparation was not up to the mark, I kept thinking about *taking a drop*. “When I take a drop, I will do everything perfectly. And… I will get into the college that I want to.” And now, at this moment, both of the chances for this year of my JEE is over and I have not performed well this year. And I have decided that if I do not reach or if I don’t qualify, I will take a drop. And now, I was watching the paper discussion of my shift of the JEE exam which I gave recently And I made a few silly mistakes.
I was like, “Oh, this was taught, but I didn’t remember. I could have done this. Oh, I made this wrong. It “when I will give this paper next year, I will do perfect. I will do my best”. I always think about what I will do in the future, which is unpredictable and I don’t even know what is going to happen. What if I just qualify it this year only (although I don’t want to, because I want to clear the basics first, then study in college). And I fear a lot when I overthink about the worst possible thing that will happen. And I always take the negative thing out of everything.
And whenever anyone, like whenever I hear someone say that they don’t overthink for a lot of time, they laugh at their problems, they chill out, it makes me feel like a loser because I just look at it very negatively and it feels like a black creeper is filling my heart completely with negative things, lower things, and I don’t like it at all. I don’t want to become a perfectionist. I don’t want to get out or be delusional about the easy way out. I don’t want to compare myself with people, and I don’t want to fear anything. Since my exams were not that great, I feared even checking if the answers were correct or not. I know, I should face it, but my resistance is just too much. What should I do, Alok da? Please help me.
It always helps to keep the larger picture and the greater goal in front. Thus, for example, exams are a step on the way, not the last aim or the future. So one drops a step, as it doesn’t help much. Try to give your best shot in terms of the effort for the exam. But do not mistake this effort for the result. Nobody can fix the result. What is given to us is to act. Preparing and appearing for the exam is given to us. Results, the reaction of parents, what others would think about us is not in our hands. Thinking about these not only distracts us but also wastes our energies.
If fear and apprehension come, then use faith to counter it, – faith that all will be fine regardless of the immediate results, faith in destiny, faith in the Divine Help. Counter negativity with faith and become a willing optimist.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
