I went into the cave of my heart and felt I brushed the psychic being and then felt a very intense pressure in my head. This has happened before, but not while concentrating within; it happens more when sitting and looking into the Motherโs eyes.
I am used to the process of ascent and descent, but this is quite obvious. After these experiences, my vital has seemed to explode. Hurt feelings, insecurities, reactivity. It made me want to stop playing tennis, as it was making me feel so insecure about my lack of skill.
It has even made me want to end a friendship because it feels like her vital activates my vital and we end up in emotional, neurotic arguments about the past hurts, the present disconnect. Her style of communication is what I would call โcrazy-making”, bringing in all the past hurts when it should just be a specific issue we are addressing, etc. Feels very vital and my vital gets hooked and I cannot maintain a witness poise very well.
This argument and vital mess has made me wonder if one should just avoid people or situations who trigger the vital so I can protect the psychic emergence.
The explosion is clearly the sign of entry into forbidden and uncharted territories of consciousness. It is an early sign of opening to the cosmic consciousness. What is needed is a more and more psychic opening to the Mother. By turning and opening to the Mother within us and around us, we become free from the risks of the forces that move around in the cosmic consciousness. Each time disturbances arise, one should focus back on the Divine Mother with complete faith and confidence in Her Grace. Keep one of Her books and Sri Aurobindo’s near you and call Their Names inwardly as you go through life with all its hues and colours and shades. Let the mind and thoughts remain focused upon Her and the heart tied to Her forever. All the rest will follow and whatever is needed inwardly and outwardly will be done.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
