The question is, how to use it now? As some time, the show-off nature is coming (in the sense that I have the capacity to do some work & the people would admire me for my intelligence work). But before the feeling of inferiority was there, as the body lacked energy/ freshness…
My thought is now like: The Mother would come & manifest Herself within my vessel so that whoever would come in contact with me (even if animal & tree) can feel the touch of Truth, Beauty, Confidence, Freshness, etc., etc… Is it the right way of practicing Sri Aurobindo’s Yoga upon which I can lean to grow? Or it is my great ego, which is very bad for me. Overall advice on a basis upon which I can lean to grow.
It is indeed the ego that is trying to use the Divine Mother’s gifts for some kind of personal greatness. If one gets into this mode, then the doors to the Divine Force are closed and instead the forces of the vital worlds begin to use the sadhaka as their instrument. They aggrandize the ego and supply a lot of energy, which the young aspirant may mistake as coming from the Mother and get distracted and deviate from the Path. It is important, therefore, to first lay down a strong foundation of Calm, Peace and Equanimity. Without this indispensable foundation, the journey of yoga remains turbulent.
It is also necessary to first try to find the psychic being and identify oneself with it. That takes a long time. But without this, the entry of yoga forces remains a risky affair. After all, an increase of energy within due to self-control does not necessarily mean it is the Mother’s Force which comes only when the aspiration and purification have gone together, along with humility, sincerity and surrender.
In any case, whatever energy one receives, from whatever source, must be offered in the Mother’s Service for Her Work. There should be no claim to it or use of it for personal purposes. The Mother then refines, purifies, uplifts and transforms it. In the meanwhile the first indispensable step should not be forgotten, that is to find the Divine.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
