My only real pain comes from this: if our bond is so deep and we are destined to be together forever, why does she turn away from the truth of this love? She has her own personal phone, yet she shows no desire to talk. To be honest, I don’t worry about the logistics of when we’ll unite; I just wish she would say, “I don’t want the worldly life; I want to walk this path with you and serve your mother.” I simply want her to accept this truth and live by it honestly. If there is love on both sides, shouldn’t we at least be aligned with this truth? That is the sole cause of my sorrow; otherwise, mentally, I understand everything.
I understand your pain. But by now you should also understand that this idea of being together, walking upon the path together are all your ideas concealing the vital desires of a happy life of togetherness. They are not her truth, at least not yet. It is primarily a vital love, at least from her side, that remains and lasts only as long as the desires are fed. Otherwise it turns away towards other pastures, sooner or later, violently or quietly. The more you think of her, the more it will pain you. The fact is that while there is truth in your love there is no such truth, perhaps never was (given the few incidents you narrated) from her side. The sooner you understand this, the better it is.
Offer it all to the Divine Mother. She will pull you out of everything.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
