Meanwhile, we were also traveling back to my old house to transfer all our belongings to the new place. I faced a situation with myself, which was later termed as a panic attack, as I got very angry and lost touch with reality. I did start feeling fear from the airport itself when I was travelling back to my old house.
Later in the day, I had an episode which who ever saw can say that I got psychologically disturbed. Infact my husband had to call emergency services because of my situation and I was kept the whole night under observation. I was feeling very disturbed from the airport, was anxious and I wanted to end my life because of some petty reason. This has never happened to me before.
I did feel the energy of hatred while traveling with my husband and in the house. In the hospital, I was getting irrational thoughts in my mind and I was praying for help to Mother, Baba and you. And I would say that in my mind there was an interrogation going on by someone and I was scared so much that if I revealed someone’s name, they would end up getting hurt.
Before this event happened, I was staying alone in the flat with my child for a few days as my husband had gone out for a few days due to work. There was nothing unusual Infact I was reading books by Sri Aurobindo and listening to your lectures and just doing usual daily work. Infact that night I had so many unusual thoughts and experiences in the hospital that I can’t explain.
My whole body was shaking uncontrollably at irregular intervals and I am not sure what led to all this, but I ended up in a very bad situation in the hospital and after they released me the next day in the afternoon, I was scared to read any books or even hear your lectures. The anxiety lingered for a few days, but everything became normal after a few days.
The doctors just gave me some anxiety medication and nothing much. I don’t know if this event is due to any repressed emotions of my own or any unusual hostile forces. I have no idea what led to all this. I just wanted to share this event because that day in the hospital, it felt like I was fighting a war with my mind and I wanted to end my life by donating myself for research, as I suddenly felt no purpose in life. I hope you can give some input and also what I should do if it happens again to me.
From the description, it does seem like a hostile force is taking hold of some subconscious angers and frustrations and erupting to the surface. It is good that it has passed away. I don’t think it has to do with the change of house, etc. In any case, what would help is to keep Her blessing packet or wear her symbol ring or locket. If these are not there, do carry pocket-sized Savitri and the photographs of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo with you. If you feel anger or fear rising, hold Savitri to your heart, look at Their picture and simply call ‘Maa Maa Maa Maa Maa Maa’. That should work.
But let us hope and pray that this has passed away for good, never to return again, by Her Grace.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
