And I don’t see any jealousy reducing, but it seems I am being jealous more and more. My sadhana, small or big, whatever, am I getting worse or am I improving?
These things (lust, jealousy, fear, anger, etc) do rise when there is a pressure upon our nature for the change. They especially rise up when the subconscious parts are touched by the purifying flame. Instead of getting inundated or feeling overpowered, one must keep persisting in one’s efforts, however little or small, to reject and offer these small and petty movements to the Mother with an aspiration for the change. These things typically rise to a peak and, if you refuse to yield or simply hold on with faith, then after a while they recede into the background, become progressively weak and eventually leave you free. What is important is never to justify them and never to give up. It is perseverance and faith that pays in the end. Remember, Victory comes to the most persevering. Above all, keep faith in the Mother’s Grace and offer it each time it rises. There is no difficulty that the Grace can resist the action of the Grace.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
