I have known Mother through a Teacher with whom I had visited Pondicherry Ashram 2 years back and stayed there for about 10 days during a Darshan Day period. On the Day of Darshan, I had cried continuously till today, not knowing why I cried.
From that time onwards till now, I have been put into a lot of trouble. My husband passed away last year; I have become financially dependent on my sister. My kids are still studying in college. I am undergoing my menopause problems and I also have a psoriasis problem on my back and so I am not able to go and work. For the past one and a half years, my mind has been getting confused day by day and my anger towards Mother is growing rapidly. Day in and out, I am thinking about why and what is happening to my family.
Till now, I do not know who Mother is and I am not at all a devotee of Mother. All my close relatives are moving away from me suddenly and I am left alone. No one expects me to see this Drama. I am scared that Mother will take everything from me.
It has been almost 3 years since I left my house. Everything is new to me. I am always a go-getter in everything, and now I am unable to even speak out about what I need. I do not know what is happening to me. Please suggest something to me. I had never heard of the Mother until I was 45 years old. I am 48 now. Suddenly, after visiting the Ashram, when these things are happening, I am becoming fearful…
In fact, what happened to you is just the reverse of what you are thinking. The Mother does not take away anything. She only gives. Things are given and taken away from us by the forces of destiny whose purpose is to awaken us to our true purpose. Sometimes destiny wakes us up through sharp pains and blows that hit at our attachments and weaknesses. But unfortunately, instead of taking these blows as a reminder of Nature that we should turn our minds towards the true goal and purpose of life, we end up cursing and blaming God, thereby closing our only hope!
Now, if you see it this way, it would be clear that your coming to the Ashram was a kind of Grace since the Divine knew of the difficult years and the hard destiny approaching your life. This destiny was inevitable, but the door of the Divine Grace was opened for you to support you through the difficult passage and, if you could take a leap of faith, minimise the brunt of the blow of destiny. The fact that you spontaneously cried is the sign that your soul somehow understood this subtle truth and woke up from its slumber. Now it is upto you whether you will listen to your soul and, casting away all attachments, turn towards a higher life of spiritual seeking or else lament the loss. Depending upon your choice made during this critical hour you will either take a leap towards the future full of promise or else turn your face away from the Grace and allow yourself to be dragged towards depression and gloom.
I would suggest that you cast away all fear and turn wholeheartedly towards the spiritual life with faith as your guiding light. All will then change if once you hear the call of your soul and open to the Grace that has come to you in this strange way.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
