Quarrels don’t have any reason. They are simply the sign of a weak vital and a lack of sufficient control over oneself. They are usually over small, petty things that could be easily overlooked and resolved if both persons are willing to meet half way. Ego of course is always there behind the scenes and sometimes some kind of a chronic unhappiness, a sort of depression and irritability due to hypersensitivity, feelings of inferiority and frustration of desires.
The only way to reduce them is to invoke inner Peace and wait for the storm to be over. Discussions make things worse when the heat is on as the words get distorted in the head and their meanings twisted. Confronting with calm indifference is much better than mutual accusations or defending oneself.
It is also important to look for alignment of goals and to have a common aim. It helps cement a relationship especially if the aim is high. It diminishes the frequency and the intensity of vital storms. Later, when the storm has subsided, one should sit together and discuss the triggers and the causes of irritability if any and try to address them if possible.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
