I really adore Them, I crave being close to Them, I wish I could feel Their love and that They would see me, speak to me. Everything true, beautiful, positive and lovely is Theirs and is in Them, and Their Will is the best and happiest thing which I could unite with. I want to belong to Mother. I know They’re everything and any strand of truth I’ve ever glimpsed in any way, whether in studies, in people, in hobbies, in myself, or anything else, it is Theirs. I ‘know’ as clearly as I can manage to know now that They are The Divine.
I’m asking for help specifically to get closer to Her, to Sri Aurobindo and to belong to Them, not for personal reasons. I don’t have any other considerations, I promise. What I had meant to ask was: Do you think I should be near the Ashram in order to grow closer to Them, or would I be able to serve Them better from somewhere else for now, by being better prepared and resourceful, or somehow more helpful elsewhere?
I know that and there is no question of doubting any of it. I know your love for Them is genuine and so is your wish to serve them. The reason I asked you to take a little time was not for any practical reasons but because we are not made of one piece. The turning and opening to the Divine generally takes place in one part while the others are either asleep or lie dormant. Slowly all these parts too wake up and some of them can pose great resistance. Sadhana is never an easy thing, even for the best and the strongest. It takes time for our nature to be slowly tuned to the Divine. A little bit of experience of the world, reading Their Works, practice of inner equanimity, nishkama karma or desireless action, help us greatly in getting rooted here where the play of forces is tremendous and the action of Truth ruthless laying bare every hidden motive that lies concealed behind neat covers. Few are able to bear the process of transformation once it starts. That is why Sri Aurobindo and the Mother themselves advised what I have advised you. Let me quote a few passages from Their writings to make it clearer.ย
‘It is a mistake to think that any path of Yoga is facile, that any is a royal road or short cut to the Divine, or that like a system of “Frenchย made easy” or “Frenchย withoutย tears”, so there can be a system of “Yoga made easy” or “Yogaย withoutย tears”. A few great souls prepared by past lives or otherwise lifted beyond the ordinary spiritual capacity may attain realisation more swiftly; some may have uplifting experiences at an early stage, but for most theย siddhiย of the path, whatever it is, must be the end of a long, difficult and persevering endeavour.’
(Ref. https://incarnateword.in/cwsa/31/the-difficulties-of-yoga#p9)
‘First be sure of the call and of thy soul’s answer. For if the call is not true, not the touch of God’s powers or the voice of his messengers, but the lure of thy ego, the end of thy endeavour will be a poor spiritual fiasco or else a deep disaster.
And if not the soul’s fervour, but only the mind’s assent or interest replies to the divine summons or only the lower life’s desire clutches at some side attraction of the fruits of Yoga-power or Yoga-pleasure or only a transient emotion leaps like an unsteady flame moved by the intensity of the Voice or its sweetness or grandeur, then too there can be little surety for thee in the difficult path of Yoga.
The outer instruments of mortal man have no force to carry him through the severe ardours of this spiritual journey and Titanic inner battle or to meet its terrible or obstinate ordeals or nerve him to face and overcome its subtle and formidable dangers. Only his spirit’s august and steadfast will and the quenchless fire of his soul’s invincible ardour are sufficient for this difficult transformation and this high improbable endeavour.
Imagine not the way is easy; the way is long, arduous, dangerous, difficult. At every step is an ambush, at every turn a pitfall. A thousand seen or unseen enemies will start up against thee, terrible in subtlety against thy ignorance, formidable in power against thy weakness. And when with pain thou hast destroyed them, other thousands will surge up to take their place. Hell will vomit its hordes to oppose thee and enring and wound and menace; Heaven will meet thee with its pitiless tests and its cold luminous denials. Thou shalt find thyself alone in thy anguish, the demons furious in thy path, the Gods unwilling above thee. Ancient and powerful, cruel, unvanquished and close and innumerable are the dark and dreadful Powers that profit by the reign of Night and Ignorance and would have no change and are hostile. Aloof, slow to arrive, far-off and few and brief in their visits are the Bright Ones who are willing or permitted to succour. Each step forward is a battle. There are precipitous descents, there are unending ascensions and ever higher peaks upon peaks to conquer. Each plateau climbed is but a stage on the way and reveals endless heights beyond it. Each victory thou thinkest the last triumphant struggle proves to be but the prelude to a hundred fierce and perilous battles… But thou sayest God’s hand will be with me and the Divine Mother near with her gracious smile of succour? And thou knowest not then that God’s grace is more difficult to have or to keep than the nectar of the Immortals or Kuvera’s priceless treasures? Ask of His chosen and they will tell thee how often the Eternal has covered his face from them, how often he has withdrawn from them behind his mysterious veil and they have found themselves alone in the grip of Hell, solitary in the horror of the darkness, naked and defenceless in the anguish of the battle. And if his presence is felt behind the veil, yet is it like the winter sun behind clouds and saves not from the rain and snow and the calamitous storm and the harsh wind and the bitter cold and the grey of a sorrowful atmosphere and the dun weary dullness. Doubtless the help is there even when it seems to be withdrawn, but still is there the appearance of total night with no sun to come and no star of hope to pierce the blackness. Beautiful is the face of the Divine Mother, but she too can be hard and terrible. Nay, then, is immortality a plaything to be given lightly to a child or the divine life a prize without effort or the crown for a weakling? Strive rightly and thou shalt have; trust and thy trust shall in the end be justified;but the dread Law of the Way is there and none can abrogate it.’
(Ref. https://incarnateword.in/cwsa/12/the-law-of-the-way)
Having said that, if you are sure of the Call, then nothing really can stop one from coming. If the resolution is clear and strong, the surrender to the Divine Mother is genuine, then no difficulty, however great, can stop one from advancing towards the goal.ย
Whether here or elsewhere is a question that you will have to see on your own inner need as well as certain practical considerations. As there is no pay or promotion here, and one has to wait for a few years before one gets access to the food in the Dining Room or a room to stay, one has to assess if one is willing and ready to sustain oneself during this period of ‘trial’, as it is sometimes called. Of course, ultimately it is the destiny and Her Grace that act as incapable factors from behind.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
