The first occurs when I surrender everything related to my ex-lover and pray solely to be united with Mother—leaving everything else behind; this leaves me feeling a sense of incompleteness and sadness. Conversely, when I surrender that same memory to Mother with the prayer that we both become expressions of Her divine love, merge into oneness with Her, and—free from personal desires—serve Her by fulfilling only Her will, I experience a profound sense of peace and bliss. Which of these two prayers is the most appropriate for me? My dilemma is: could the second prayer possibly go against Mother’s will for me?
It is a natural tendency of the ego-self to see everything and all else from its own angle of vision. But who knows which Ratnakar is getting ready to turn into a Valmiki? In fact, it is best to refrain from judgments as far as possible. Human beings are helplessly bound to their state of ignorance until they are ready and the Divine touch liberates them. The unripe mango is not a sinner. It is just following its journey through the seasons.
Both prayers are wonderful. The second one, where you pray for K as well, brings the touch of unselfishness and hence it brings a greater joy. Besides, your vital is more able to participate in it, for it sees somewhere the hope of a perfect union of its love and longing. In the first attitude, the vital does not participate, as it suffers the sense of a loss. Hence it sulks and withdraws, sort of goes on strike.
As of now, the second prayer is better. The rest should be inwardly left to the Divine Mother to decide.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
