I am having ulcers all over my mouth, just because of this constant stress. Plus, I am not able to do anything about it; the moment I try to remember The Mother, it comes back again- the fear, the stress. I cannot even surrender to Her, because even the thought of surrendering gives me a punch in the stomach rather than giving me peace. Plus, there is this fear about my job, like, will I be able to do it? What if this is not for me? What if I embarrass myself? What will the teachers and the students think of me?
And then again, there is this loop of anxiety about what will happen. And the moment I try to think otherwise that whatever will happen, will happen, we will see about it, or let’s leave it on the Mother than all that fear comes up again. I am not able to trust myself or the Mother. It’s like I have been trapped inside only fears and doubts, and I feel like there is no door. What do I do? Even the thought of leaving the future to destiny or the Mother gives me fears. It’s like if I don’t think about it, nothing will ever work out. I know all this is illogical, but somehow it is real inside me, and I am not able to get out of it; I am not able to leave myself to the flow. Please help me.
Fear comes when we are turned upon ourselves, when we think of ourselves. Instead, we should turn our mind and its energies towards the work at hand, towards reading books that give us different kinds of knowledge, towards learning new things and towards developing new capacities. Or even turning the mind towards the beautiful things and people around us, trying to understand different things. As the consciousness turns towards anything other than oneself, so will the fears begin to diminish, especially as we progress in different directions.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
