The fact that you want to change is itself a sign that you have changed! This is how the change takes place. In the beginning, we act almost unconsciously without even feeling the need for change. True progress begins when we become aware that we need to change. Otherwise, almost everyone is busy finding faults with others, which is such a waste of energy and effort. Good or bad, we cannot change others. The only person we need to change is ourselves, with the idea of becoming better and better. Then slowly the change comes because there arises in us the will to change. But the change does not come in one leap. There are several relapses because the roots of our nature are deep in the subconscious parts. We inherit a whole individual and collective past. Hence, these relapses are quite the way that change finally settles as a way of life. To recognise the need for change is the most important and difficult part. You have already taken that step.
Secondly, the change done by the effort of our will and faith works best if one takes support on the Divine by seeking the Divine Help for the change. One should surrender oneself to the Divine just as we are, with all our good and bad mixtures. Then one aspires and prays to the Divine to get rid of things that one wants to get rid of. What seems impossible for human effort becomes easy by the Divine Grace.
Finally, it is important to keep a little inner distance from persons whose mind and heart is moved by wrong forces. Much of humanity is like that. That is why Satsang is so important in our life. The simplest way of Satsang is to read books of true spiritual Wisdom such as Prayers and Meditations by the Mother, Savitri, the Gita. That is like food and nourishment, strengthening our will and helping us by their secret influence. But also one should avoid the close company of people who harbour wrong intentions. These are unfortunately plenty. So be careful of the friends and companions you keep.
I am sure this is a passing turbulence and will pass away, leaving you stronger and wiser. As Savitri says, ‘He makes our fall a means for greater rise.’
Affectionately,
Alok Da
