Looking at external factors such as caste, wealth, education, and appearance is akin to making a business deal rather than finding true love. In fact to expect to find the right partner by analysing the outer factors is like expecting to find a piece of diamond, however small, in a coalmine. It can happen only by God’s Grace that one finds the right partner meant for this life. Not that such pairs do not exist that compliment each other beautifully but the forces of ignorance operating in the world do not easily let them meet lest they become each other’s strength giving mutual support in spiritual and material life. It is perhaps the result of a long evolution after which such a meeting happen. Until then it is best to take marriage as everything else as a field of experience to grow and progress, to learn to sacrifice for each other, to be a little unselfish, to bring out the deeper tender feelings of the heart, to master the impulses of lower nature gradually and through all this move towards God.
Still if one has to look for a partner with whom one would be happy to spend the rest of one’s life, look for the inner qualities that would endure the rub and change of time rather than outer appearances and material achievements as these things are not permanent. Happy togetherness evolves over time through mutual sacrifice. A good relationship is not ready made but has to be built and it requires patience, trust, perseverance. A deeper bonding cannot be forged on a legal document. It requires a commonality of aspiration and common ideals. A stable house of life cannot be built on the fire of passion but by the cement of love.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
