AT THE FEET OF THE MOTHER
Ask Alok da

Relationships

When life feels heavy like everything is crumbling and when one is utterly helpless and cannot support a loved one. And of course, these life situations have weeded out family and friends showing the painful reality of relationships. How is one supposed to have faith and work towards the new creation? Like at times like these, all the emotions go towards finding solutions. And all the enthusiasm and positive emotions towards serving the Mother and Sri Aurobindo just vanish-it is like one could care less about the future and new creation because the present is so challenging and has been so for a very long time! It just feels very very hard. How to direct these painful emotions?๐Ÿง— ๐Ÿšงโ›ˆ๏ธโ›“๏ธ๐Ÿฅน

These and other challenges are part of the journey of life. Leave the New Creation aside for a moment and see if there is any

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I am currently facing some conflict inside myself and wanted your guidance regarding the same. My mother and father live alone, we are 3 sisters (all of us live in the same city) but me being the elder one have always taken their every responsibility. Even after my marriage I have been taking the responsibility of both the houses equally and my in-laws are quite supportive too. Because my sisters won’t handle everything as I do so I feel if I had done this it would be better. But then it’s too much on my shoulders to handle. Should I be guilty? Because I am leaving it to others to do it and am doing anything wrong with my parents??

There is no question of guilt as all the children should look after the parents equally when they need them. However in reality very often

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Sometimes we dislike the people in our family. I think I already told you – issues with my brother – jealous of me – envious – I was more intelligent than him at work. More liked by all. Threw me out. Doesnโ€™t want me there. My mother supported him. They gave my father the idea that I should marry not work. Fear.ย How to get over the hurt and pain?๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿงฑ๐Ÿ’”

We get in life what is best for our progress. The forces of destiny do not work to satisfy our wishes or to fulfil our

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I have a parent with mental illness–what I think is borderline personality disorder. I know labels are not always beneficial –but her behaviors line up with this disorder and have helped me get a grip on what is going on. The main facet of this is she is very fixated on me, and if I do not call or reach out, she calls me evil, a bad daughter, threatens suicide. It has gone on for a long time and I am at the point of really creating distance with her as my body feels it cannot handle any more threat. Is the soul behind the person with mental illness–does it just stay completely behind the veil because the vital being has taken over?โ›ˆ๏ธ๐ŸŒช๏ธ๐ŸŒซ๏ธ๐Ÿ”’

It is wonderful to see the way you are taking all this with the perfect attitude of an understanding benevolence as well as detachment and

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What about expectations? – carving my own path is going against everyoneโ€™s expectations – my moms that Iโ€™m not the classic marriage is my dream and fantasy kind of girl drooling over every boy I meet or not into makeup and things – my dads thinks he made me too independent.ย How do they not understand that I am the person I am and they need to accept it not control it?๐Ÿ’’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’‘๐Ÿซถ

Whether right or wrong one should follow the path directed by one’s own temperament and inner need. Others, including parents, understand only if your needs

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In my college, I have a friend who is a good person, but she often speaks in a low-energy, negative wayโ€”mainly complaining, criticizing, or focusing on things she wants but doesnโ€™t have. Iโ€™ve tried explaining that this kind of conversation affects me and makes me uncomfortable, but there hasnโ€™t been much change. Even after keeping some distance, she doesnโ€™t seem to understand. Whenever we meet, either I end up hurting her by not engaging much, or she starts the same low-energy conversations again. I donโ€™t want to hurt her, but Iโ€™m not sure how to handle the situation.๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™€๏ธโ˜๏ธ

You can try explaining to her that a critical negative attitude towards others harms both. It only strengthens this tendency. Everyone has their faults and

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Since one year I am facing lot of issues related to relations. I am not capable of maintaining relations with relatives which I never did before. At home also, I talk very little as I want to avoid any arguments. With spouse we have a relation of mutual respect, partnership, freedom and working towards common goal, still I cannot open up totally and opinions differ.ย ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ค โ†”๏ธ ๐Ÿ‘ค

One should focus primarily on one’s own inner growth and outer progress first. Relations are quite a waste of time. Yes one should have a

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ย I have a request that kindly dispel one very common misconception, very very widespread even amongst saints and spritual people. As far as I understand only enlightened beings, sages, masters or may be one who is highly evolved can be nishkaam. Those who are so unconscious and full of darkness, just by producing kids how come they become so great …I have personaly experienced too much resistance to my spritual inclination by my mother and I see parents playing havoc with the lives of daughter in laws.โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒฑ๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿง˜

I understand your point completely. Not sure about the saints who say that one should completely subordinate oneself to parents, family, etc. If they say

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I know my question may sound a little funny, but it is a very serious matter for me. God has designed the human body so perfectly โ€” every organ performs its function with remarkable efficiency. Yet when it comes to the heart, I often feel confused. Why is the heart โ€œprogrammedโ€ in such a way that when someone enters it, it can take years to forget them, bringing so much pain and emotional turmoil?๐Ÿšถ๐Ÿง˜๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’”

Yes, the very same memories that help connect the dots of life become a source of pain when the heart-strings are snapped suddenly. The root

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Sir as already mentioned I have only the Mother to cry when I have been through suffering. If a person in 50s have approached to marry me and I like some of his qualities and I am disliking others. I have taken wrong decision in the past by applying for Divorce and as I donโ€™t wish to repeat it again by taking wrong decision; however unable to confirm if the Mother wants this man in my life or not, what should I do?๐Ÿ’ โ€ฆ ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธโฌ…๏ธ ๐Ÿง โžก๏ธ

While this is a decision that only you can take, I can only provide some general guidance in this matter.

First and foremost relationships

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If one realizes that trying to change others is a cycle of ignorance, how can they help those who have no apparent need for inner growth without forcing them into suffering, and is the “spark” of transformation solely the work of Grace, requiring us to let go of the urge to “fix” others? โณ๐Ÿ‚๐ŸŒ‘ โ†’ ๐ŸŒ•๐Ÿ™๐Ÿปโœจ

The Divine is the unchanging stable basis of everything but He is also in the change. That is why people are compelled to change despite

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